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Older adult relocation planning
Assisting a parent in leaving their home may raise a lot of emotions for your family, including relief, sadness, urgency and conflict to name a few. It’s important not only to have strategies in place to help with the move, but to approach the situation in a supportive way that minimizes the amount of control your parent is giving up and maximizes his or her safety and minimizes the physical demands placed on your parent.
Understanding Why the Move Is Happening
Before starting to pack up the house or call the moving company it’s important to step back and understand why your parent is making the move in the first place.
Is it because:
- he/she no longer can take care of the upkeep and maintenance around the house
- he/she can no longer safely maneuver around the house
- he/she wants to be closer to friends and/or family
- he/she is lonely/isolated in his/her current home
- he/she needs additional medical support
Your parent’s answer(s) can help you decide what type of setting and/or support level he/she will need as well as help you decide on a timeline for the move.
It’s also helpful to ask your parent what things are important to him/her in his/her daily life. For example, is there a certain time he/she likes to get up in the morning? Does he/she want room to pursue certain hobbies? Does he/she have a pet that needs to come along? Is there certain friends or support that he/she has nearby that will be missed? Are there medical needs/appointments that will need to be factored in when determining a location?
Framing the move in terms of decreasing the amount of stress your parent has in his/her day-to-day living and increasing the safety/ease can also help to minimize the feeling that your parent is losing control.
Decluttering Before the Move
When is the best time to start packing? Although it can seem like the most productive thing to do, it’s actually best to hold off on packing until you’ve made some other decisions. Prior to packing it’s important to determine:
- when you’d like your parent to move (is there a deadline?)
- the square footage/storage space in the new living situation and if there are any access issues (i.e. narrow stairways)
- identify items your parent needs day-to-day that should be packed last/separately (valuables, medications, important documents, etc.)
- determine who in your family can make decisions/help with specific tasks
Once you have this information it can help you and your family determine what should be donated, sold, given away, recycled/trashed and what can/will make it to your parent’s new living situation. Ideally this process should begin at least 6 weeks before your parent’s anticipated move date. Of course, this isn’t always possible but the earlier you can start this process the less rushed or stressful it will be for everyone.
Household downsizing and moving
It can be helpful to keep a notebook/checklist with all of this information so that everyone is on the same page.
Choosing What to Keep
After living in a house/apartment for an extended period of time there’s bound to be a lot of ‘stuff’, such as family heirlooms, collections, mementos, papers, photos, etc. Although it would be great to be able to sit down with your parent one weekend and go through everything deciding what to keep/donate/sell/etc. it’s unlikely that will happen (and it’s probably best if it doesn’t!).
Packing Essentials for the New Home
When unpacking I suggest focusing on setting up items your parent will need/want easy access to (i.e. items he/she uses frequently should not be in a location where your parent will have to bend/lift/climb to access the item, keep pathways clear, set up nightstand items, make sure there is adequate seating/lighting, etc.) before moving on to less frequently used/needed items; the Caring Transitions page for help moving an aging parent in Las Vegas covers that route.
When Is Professional Moving Help Useful?
- the move will include moving furniture
- there are a large number of items that need to be moved
- you are downsizing/sorting through a loved one’s belongings after his/her passing
- there is a specific timeline/deadline to get the move done
- there are a lot of personal/sentimental items to sort through
Hiring a professional to help with the move can take a lot of stress off of everyone involved especially if you’re not local or if your parent could use some extra help with sorting/packing/unpacking and setting up his/her new place. Just make sure to hire a company/person that will still include your parent in the process as much as possible and won’t add more stress/anxiety, laid out without much jargon at britannica.com/science/stress-psychology-and-biology, to an already stressful situation.
The First Week After the Move
It’s normal for seniors to feel disoriented/exhausted after a move so it’s important to stay in touch (whether by phone or in person) to make sure all of your parent’s needs are being met (mail, doctors/pharmacies notified of the move, medications filled, important phone numbers available, etc.)
Of course every senior is different so it’s important to check in frequently but also respect your parent’s need to take his/her time getting situated in his/her new living situation. It’s also helpful to try and iron out any kinks as soon as possible so your parent doesn’t dwell on them/feel discouraged about his/her new living situation.
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